Graduation: A Momentous Milestone We Often Overlook

I recently attended a graduation ceremony, and I wasn’t alone. On station platforms at every stop, graduation groups were evident, reminiscent of newlyweds and their families in Larkin’s Whitsun Weddings.

Graduation parties usually consist of three people: one young graduate and two older companions. The older ones often have sore hands from clapping as hundreds of soon-to-be graduates walk the stage to receive their degrees. With over 1 million undergraduates and postgraduates awarded certificates each year in the UK, parents’ eyes strain from squinting, trying to spot their loved ones in the queue and anticipate their moment on stage.

I’ve attended three ceremonies – my own and my two daughters’. Over the three decades separating mine from theirs, little has changed. It remains a unique event with familiar types. The graduate, though no longer a teenager, still feels teenage embarrassment at being seen with their parents. They cringe at the thought of anything their parents might say or do. They might exchange glances with a fellow graduate – a close friend, ex-friend, or partner in past escapades – and silently pray their parents won’t meet. The day is a mix of awkwardness, pride, emotion, and more. There’s a lot happening.

Interestingly, people rarely speak with great affection or vivid memories of their graduation day. The photo of you with bad hair, wearing expensively borrowed garb, remains as a reminder, often mocked by your own children one day.

Yet, for those who go through higher education, graduation is one of the most significant days of life. It may not feel as monumental as leaving school, getting A-level results, or leaving home for university, but it signifies the end of childhood and teenage years. Yes, you might end up back at home, but this moment marks the expectation of independence. It's an exciting yet sad and often terrifying moment, with the pressing question: now what? Some have answers; most don’t. I didn’t.

Graduation day marks when our children stop being children. They’re almost fully adults, standing on the cusp of proper adulthood. For parents, it’s a transition too, into older adulthood, or “old farts.” Our kids are now out in the world, and we must focus on aging gracefully.

At the Newcastle ceremony I attended, a graduate delivered a wonderful speech about what the university and city meant to them, especially post-lockdown. The speech ended with a heartfelt wish for everyone’s future success, which moved me to tears. I wanted to stand and warn them how quickly life would now pass by, but I kept quiet, which was for the best.